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Sunday, July 31, 2011
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Blow Jobs
I HATE THEM! I hate them I hate them I hate them!!! (I'm not one for unnecessary punctuation but right now, this is necessary.) I really do. They are boring, my jaw hurts, and Sasha only considers it a blowjob if it's "to completion". I had a chance to have sex today. He's horny, but the sex is on one condition, I go down on him and get him hard. To most reading this, you may think "Well that's not to completion", and you are right. Except for just the physical act of going down, is like getting a mule to walk. No seriously, I freeze in place. I feel my heels digging into the floor and my throat closes up because I'm trying to think of away not to say "no" right out.
Sasha and I have been together for six years. SIX. Not once during that time did I ever give him bj's on a regular basis. In fact, most of the relationship goes like this: every few months or so we get into a huge argument over "doesn't it make you feel good to make me feel good?"
...No it doesn't.
That's a harsh thing to say. I'm not saying I don't get enjoyment when he gets enjoyment. He's using that question as a way to try and get me to like oral sex.
S: "You like it when we have sex, right?"
Me: "Yes"
S: "It feels good, right?"
Me: "Yeah."
S: "We both feel good when doing it, right?"
Me: "Yeess." (What's your point here buddy?!)
S: "Well I get pleasure from making my partners feel good, and you get pleasure from us having sex, and blowjobs make me feel good. Why don't you want to make me feel good?!"
AND THERE IT IS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! The question ALL men ask to guilt their partners into giving head! and AHHHHAHWEHWEHWEHIAWEGHILAWGHIPAgHEGHIPweghipWEGHIPwgenlkWEGHweghipWGEHIPwge!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD TO ME!!! I'm on my knees, my jaw hurts, YOU TAKE FORTY FUCKING MINUTES TO CUM!! NO ONE WANTS TO BOB THEIR HEAD UP AND DOWN FOR FORTY FUCKING MINUTES!!
And you know what he says? "Well if you don't go down on me, I won't go down on you."
And my answer? "Okay." *Shrugs* "No seriously. That's okay if you go down on me. You can pride yourself on being great at oral (male or female - he's bi), and that's you. But I don't like cunnilingus. It's really not that great."
The only time I actually liked a guy doing down on me, was the first time it was ever done. I was 19 and it was awesome. But I had an experienced guy going down on me and it was MY FIRST TIME. Everything is sensitive down there. No matter who's done it, it's never been as good as it was that first time. Maybe I'm looking for it to be?
But anyway, there have been a few times where Sasha has gone down on me and made me cum and it feels awesome. But he ruins it all by going "Okay my turn!" ...wha-wha-what?! That was not part of this deal. If we're fooling around and you decide to go south, I am in no way obligated to take the trip with you. And then it just turns into a fight.
I've googled the phrase "I hate blowjobs" and there is quite a bit of discussion going on in the world about this particular subject. Most of the men that chime in say "No it's not a deal breaker, but I won't marry/live/have-a-relationship-with you." Or they say "Be up front and honest. Most men it is a deal breaker but guess what, they're going to pressure you into something you don't want to do and why would you put yourself in that situation?" I like that statement, they are being honest, but they are also being selfish.
Yes, relationships are all about being honest and compromises and blah blah blah! But no one should compromise what you fundamentally are not comfortable with.
So anyway, after that happened he got his sad face on (and if I try to talk to him about it he'll just say "forget it. It's over and done with.") and goes "okay, I guess you don't want sex..." and really, I wasn't that horny to begin with. I mean, could I have had sex? Sure. Am I greatly upset that we didn't? No.
So here I am, up in our bedroom in the god-damned fucking hot humidity writing a blog post. UGH! FML!
Sasha and I have been together for six years. SIX. Not once during that time did I ever give him bj's on a regular basis. In fact, most of the relationship goes like this: every few months or so we get into a huge argument over "doesn't it make you feel good to make me feel good?"
...No it doesn't.
That's a harsh thing to say. I'm not saying I don't get enjoyment when he gets enjoyment. He's using that question as a way to try and get me to like oral sex.
S: "You like it when we have sex, right?"
Me: "Yes"
S: "It feels good, right?"
Me: "Yeah."
S: "We both feel good when doing it, right?"
Me: "Yeess." (What's your point here buddy?!)
S: "Well I get pleasure from making my partners feel good, and you get pleasure from us having sex, and blowjobs make me feel good. Why don't you want to make me feel good?!"
AND THERE IT IS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! The question ALL men ask to guilt their partners into giving head! and AHHHHAHWEHWEHWEHIAWEGHILAWGHIPAgHEGHIPweghipWEGHIPwgenlkWEGHweghipWGEHIPwge!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD TO ME!!! I'm on my knees, my jaw hurts, YOU TAKE FORTY FUCKING MINUTES TO CUM!! NO ONE WANTS TO BOB THEIR HEAD UP AND DOWN FOR FORTY FUCKING MINUTES!!
And you know what he says? "Well if you don't go down on me, I won't go down on you."
And my answer? "Okay." *Shrugs* "No seriously. That's okay if you go down on me. You can pride yourself on being great at oral (male or female - he's bi), and that's you. But I don't like cunnilingus. It's really not that great."
The only time I actually liked a guy doing down on me, was the first time it was ever done. I was 19 and it was awesome. But I had an experienced guy going down on me and it was MY FIRST TIME. Everything is sensitive down there. No matter who's done it, it's never been as good as it was that first time. Maybe I'm looking for it to be?
But anyway, there have been a few times where Sasha has gone down on me and made me cum and it feels awesome. But he ruins it all by going "Okay my turn!" ...wha-wha-what?! That was not part of this deal. If we're fooling around and you decide to go south, I am in no way obligated to take the trip with you. And then it just turns into a fight.
I've googled the phrase "I hate blowjobs" and there is quite a bit of discussion going on in the world about this particular subject. Most of the men that chime in say "No it's not a deal breaker, but I won't marry/live/have-a-relationship-with you." Or they say "Be up front and honest. Most men it is a deal breaker but guess what, they're going to pressure you into something you don't want to do and why would you put yourself in that situation?" I like that statement, they are being honest, but they are also being selfish.
Yes, relationships are all about being honest and compromises and blah blah blah! But no one should compromise what you fundamentally are not comfortable with.
So anyway, after that happened he got his sad face on (and if I try to talk to him about it he'll just say "forget it. It's over and done with.") and goes "okay, I guess you don't want sex..." and really, I wasn't that horny to begin with. I mean, could I have had sex? Sure. Am I greatly upset that we didn't? No.
So here I am, up in our bedroom in the god-damned fucking hot humidity writing a blog post. UGH! FML!
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