Dream

I don't think I can live this lifestyle anymore.

I know what I want in my future and I think I've reached the point where I have to choose. Be with Sasha or try and strive for my dream life.

I had a dream a year ago, that caused me to wake up crying. In it, we broke up because he wasn't able to commit to marrying me (Not because he was poly) and I left. I found myself in Washington DC as a speech writer and he was in Baltimore as a teacher and being with his brother (he's an identical twin and they haven't lived in the same town for almost a decade and it wears on both of them). I was working a press conference when Sasha walked up. We were cordial but there was still pain. During our chat a girl who was the exact opposite of me, short/blonde/dumb, walked up and I discovered that they were getting married.

When I discussed the dream with him we were in NO way ready for marriage and he flat out said "So I ended up with the type of girl that I can't stand?" and that got us talking about the possibility of marriage and actually working towards it.

Tart came in the picture almost a year after this dream so she was not the cause of it. I have always thought that dream was more of my paranoia and not being good enough (for anybody) than my subconscious telling me what I should be doing. But after that I went back to school, am about to graduate, and searching for a great job. I wouldn't have done that, I don't think, without that dream and us discussing it.

But I now wonder if that dream was meant to tell me something more.